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Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Dystopia of the Day

AUGUST 9, 2006, SUBURBIA - YURI Thompson, former president of Waldorf Worldwide, was released from the Metro City jail early this morning. Thompson was the chief suspect in the City Hall Bombing last January. After his recent guilty plea, Thompson was sentenced to 740 years in prison.
Under the new "Time is Money" statute, Thompson paid a fine of 37 million dollars and walked free.
The statute was recently enacted by District Manager Steve Williams, and praised by most of the higher executives. The Thompson case was the first high-profile use of the statute, and raised new questions about the controversial rules.
"Look," said Williams, "What's a year of a man's life worth? Less than fifty grand. He was punished- he got 740 years. If a year is worth fifty grand, then he still served the same sentence. He learned his lesson, and now Mr. Thompson can go back to serving society."
Questions about the rights of victims were brushed aside by the corporation. According to its July 10 press release: "The new system will permit the reimbursement of crime victims or next-of-kin, as well as restitution for material damages." According to the corporate web site, other benefits of the statute include increased profit margins in the prison system, increased labor supply, and "harnessing the power of evil for productive ends."
The Time is Money statute is only the latest in a series of changes enacted since Hellen Keller LLC took over the district's justice system. Some customers question how the new system will survive.
"I'm afraid," said Granny Nordstrom of Townsburg.
What Nordstrom meant was that it is unknown what interactions will take place between the new statute and the previous "Space is Money" decree. According to "Space is money," in the event of prison overcrowding, the convicts with the least time left to serve will be set free. Though corporate memos claim that "We'll rent a trailer or something to keep 'em in," a dozen bicycle thieves and sausage smugglers have already been granted early release.
"Space is Money" was enacted shortly after the "Screw em, they're criminals" memo, which set new sentencing guidelins based on damage and potential damage caused. The effect of THAT memo... damn it chief, why'd you give me this story. You better not have Vicky edit out my metaphors this time. I want a raise.

The result of the "Screw em" memo was to increase prison sentences to levels where they had an "Actual deterrent effect, instead of making the criminals laugh at us. Literally, we had bank robbers getting out on time served. What the" according to Williams' predecessor, Jude Hawking.
Today, Yuri Thompson is involved with a new communications startup. The company did not return our calls.


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