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Sunday, April 09, 2006

The Adventures of ManiaC Provost - Generation Why (Not)

While taking advantage of my manic phase to organise everything I own, I came across this chat log from a few weeks ago that I meant to post. Just for the heck of it, I'll post the entire thing rather than a selected portion. Skip to the part about Freedom of Information if you so desire.

BAD: so i have an idea
BAD: that i think will make me rich
BAD: but the ethical ramifications are staggering
ManiaC: sell abortion on demand, and use the government to promote underage sex in school?
ManiaC: that's genius
BAD: no
BAD: but almost that good
BAD: Babyform
ManiaC: ?
BAD: chloroform for babys
BAD: kid wont stop crying?
BAD: knock the little bastard out
BAD: need a parenting break
BAD: put a rag under his nose
BAD: time out? Time really the fuck out
ManiaC: haha
BAD: find me a parent
BAD: that hasnt wanted to shut their kid up
ManiaC: Did Helen Keller have kids?
BAD: no
ManiaC: you win
BAD: valid try tho
BAD: i just need test babies
BAD: and funding
BAD: i think it would make us millionaires several times over
ManiaC: that's the phrase of the day
ManiaC: "I just need test babies"
BAD: lol
BAD: im just trying to make your blog
BAD: give you something so fucked up, you feel compelled to write about it
ManiaC: 75% vick's vapo rub, 25% sedative
BAD: i was just going to water down actual chloroform
BAD: so they get the coppery taste in their mouths when they wake up
ManiaC: if it tasted like cherry I think it would be win-win
BAD: nice
BAD: or grape
BAD: kids love that dimeatapp
ManiaC: momma was a hacker, daddy was a cracker, yall know to reload the system log
ManiaC: anyway I'm inventing a new natural right
BAD: ?
ManiaC: if I can get it into a book I'll be mentioned in the same sentence as Locke and Mill
ManiaC: except my name isn't John
BAD: whats your theory
ManiaC: freedom of information
ManiaC: it's the opposite of the right to privacy
BAD: im listening
BAD: we as americans are born with the right to know everything
ManiaC: the difference is, I can prove it on the same basis they used to come up with life, liberty, and property
ManiaC: and it's a lot easier to enforce than the right to privacy
BAD: prove it?
ManiaC: well, it requires no enforcement whatsoever
BAD: it destroys the concept of classified information
BAD: which would expose that the president is a figurehead
ManiaC: it just says you have the right to know whatever you want as long as you don't violate any of the other rights in the process of obtaining it
ManiaC: which is the same constraint as all the other negative rights
BAD: i dont follow
BAD: so it accomplishes nothign
ManiaC: well, you're allowed to know classified information as long as you don't say, break into the pentagon
ManiaC: but it allows data mining
BAD: there wouldnt BE any classified information
ManiaC: also it allows the governemnt to set up across the street from your house and use infrared to scan fdor heat lamps
BAD: because the right to information would mean they couldnt classify stuff
ManiaC: well, it would be basically trade secret protection
BAD: fair enough
ManiaC: it would be classified for them- if you're a cia agent, they can tell you not to share the information. and if you do, you violate your contract, break the CIA's right to property, and they can kill you
BAD: true
ManiaC: but If I stand across the street and look in their window, then that sucks for them
BAD: with binoculars?
ManiaC: yeah
ManiaC: because they're emitting photons onto public property
ManiaC: that's the same as yelling it across the street
BAD: by your warped logic, yes
ManiaC: on the other hand, bouncing microwaves through their walls and scanning stuff might be breaking their property right
BAD: what about the pursuit of happiness right?
BAD: it makes me happy to spy
BAD: ergo, i can
ManiaC: haha
ManiaC: it makes me happy to run over George Soros with a Yugo, but that doesn't make it right
BAD: but your allowed to PURSUE IT
BAD: which means you have to hit the brakes juuuuust before
ManiaC: brakes? on a yugo?
BAD: handbrake
ManiaC: ah
ManiaC: I think this will make it onto my blog, in that I'm doing a series on the Freedom of Information
ManiaC: part 1 is in the works right now
BAD: babyform man....thats all i can say
BAD: freedom to knock out children
ManiaC: i think most parents try not to kill their children
ManiaC: hmm
BAD: andrea yates disagrees
ManiaC: touche
ManiaC: although I'm a supporter of shock collars
ManiaC: how about a headband that can shock, or use powerful magnets to induce lethargy?
BAD: tempting....or a whistle...you know, like they have a frequency for dogs
BAD: kids must have one
ManiaC: hm
ManiaC: well, most adults have hearing damage in the higher ranges
BAD: as do most teenagers
ManiaC: some people can hear electronics because the electromagnetic waves interfere with your brain
ManiaC: that's what that FCC warning on the side of the computer means
BAD: interesting
BAD: i never knew that
ManiaC: I can hear a monitor in power saving mode from like 20 feet away through a wall
ManiaC: so could my dad
ManiaC: it drove us nuts until we figured it out
ManiaC: probably a lot of people can hear it, but don't notice
BAD: i dont know what that sounds like
ManiaC: it's like a buzzing noise
BAD: wow
ManiaC: if you turn off your computer and leave the monitor on so there's only an LED, you can hear it I think
ManiaC: you can hear something
BAD: i use a laptop
ManiaC: ah
ManiaC: well, I posted Part One of FOI
ManiaC: this may be one of my better written posts
ManiaC: I kinda slacked off from May to January
BAD: yeah you did
ManiaC: hey, just suppose there were a God and he ahd some divine purpose
BAD: im not stupid
ManiaC: hahaha
ManiaC: I've always felt it was my duty to get a whole lot of money and power for some reason
ManiaC: and now a plan occurs to me
BAD: does it involve chloroform?
BAD: or my help?
ManiaC: yeah, sure
ManiaC: if I had a large and wealthy corporation 30 years from now, and the US Government was about to collapse due to its own ineptitude and the fact that democracy doesn't work
ManiaC: then the logical thing to do would be to plan with other corporations to take control after the fall
BAD: corporations never agree
ManiaC: they used to before the Sherman act of 1890
ManiaC: and I think it would be pretty much voided by the collapse of the government
ManiaC: if profits depend on it, a cartel can run the country
BAD: where is there a cartel
ManiaC: I'll make a cartel
ManiaC: we'll officially be an industry lobbying group
BAD: we?
ManiaC: me and the rest of the conglomerates
ManiaC: the utilities and security companies, mostly
ManiaC: it's a great plan. We can have an anarcho-capitalist society and do all the price gouging we want without paying taxes

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