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Thursday, June 16, 2005

Ways to improve airline security

*All passengers should be sedated with horse tranquilizers.

* Next to No Smoking signs, add No Terrorism signs.

* Better in-flight movies to make suicide mission less attractive

* Store Korans in the cockpit. Nyah nyah, if you crash the plane you'll destroy the Word of God!

* Don't sell tickets to terrorists.

* Charge more for tickets. At least Al Qaeda will be overpaying too.

* Allow tasers on planes. If worst comes to worst, all passengers will be rendered unconscious after paranoia manifests as crazed brawling.

* Allow people to hijack planes. It's not terrorism if it's legal.

* Fewer metal detectors, more metal concerts. If there's anything Wahabbists hate, it's acid metal.

* And Jews. They seem to hate Jews.

* Jesus was a Jew.

* This means the Saudis hate Jesus.

* ...

* Prayer would be more effective than the security we currently have. Unless Allah is on their side, but in that case we should be grateful for death. The logic ties itself up nicely.

* Eliminate security. We might all be killed, but it would be more convenient. As an added bonus, we would all have a chance to be the basis for made-for-TV movies.

* Research and deploy anti-terrorist syphilitic targeted bioagent.


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