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Wednesday, June 15, 2005


Here's a monologue I did, making up in clever use of Machiavellian techniques what it lacks in gravity:

Me : and then I'll become Warlord of Lebanon and marry a beautiful welsh princess
Me : and they will perform at one of my parties
Me : and The Cure will also perform
Me : and then I will have The Cure beheaded
Me : and then the US will attack me, but I will drive the dollar down in after-hours currency speculation
Me : then hold off the army for four months with my superior laser technology
Me : by that time the strategic petroleum reserves will be exhausted and I will get a cease-fire with favorable terms
Me : yay!
Me : then someone will assassinate Princess Melanie and I will stab myself in the left palm and swear vengeance
Me : and my raiders will invade Syria and Iran
Me : then I'll annex Iraq and declae myself Caliph
Me : then the House of Saud will declare me a usurper and invade through Kuwait, but i will be able to cut off their sea trade, thus depriving the rest of the world of oil and gettting the UN involved on my side
Me : then i will offer to resume oil exports if Jessica Alba marries me
Me : she'll say no, but the attention will make her a superstar
Me : and she will become successful and eventually grateful towards me, the ruggedly handsome Caliph
Me : and then we will have many healthy children with ego problems
Me : and then I will find that the assassination of Princess Melanie was committed by a Pakistani intelligence officer
Me : So I'll conspire with India to nuke pakistan
Me : and we will develope a free trade agreement that will make the Arabic Empire an economic power
Me : then I can build up my military and use the many expatriate muslims in western Europe to seize the Continent
Me : except the former Soviet Bloc, because they smell bad and they can actually fight back
Me : So then I will annex India and use biowarfare to take out Southeast Asia
Me : the Chinese will attempt to cut off my advance, but I will have enough naval presence to keep the troops supplied
Me : and I will expel the Americans from Korea,which will allow China to take Taiwan, and in return they will let me keep Korea
Me : Then i will consolidate my power for a while. Hopefully, I'll be able to annex North Africa because they're islamic and they won't wanna be let out
Me : the only problems I foresee are procuring the lasers, getting Something Corporate to play, and finding a Welsh princess. If I'm not mistaken Wales was conquered by the Saxons like 1000 years ago.
Me : I had a really bizarre dream involving nine princesses, each more beautiful than the last. I'll tell you about it sometime.
Hot Friend : you should tell me about it now, silly!
Me : i could, but I dunno if I wanna type that much.


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