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Sunday, March 06, 2005

The Scorecard

It's Sunday, and since I got out of bed before noon, that means it's time for a tally of my policy recommendations and how they stack up against the two major parties.

Me: Impeach Justice Kennedy. There has never been and never will be a 'National Consensus' on anything, and this blatant creation of law has to be answered to send a message to the judicial branch. Unfortunately, it would be politically harmful to the Republicans to try this, and obvious suicide for any Democrat. There is one exception- Hillary Clinton. I think she has the political skill to get away with it, and many republicans would stop hating her if she introduced this. Would she? I highly doubt it. Maybe I should email her.

Deer Senater Clinton,
I am a constitutient of your'n in New Yawk City. I think it would be swell if you would impeech both kennedies, but especially the one with the black robe. Not the moomoo. He makes justice a farse. All my extremely liberal friends agree.
Sinsneerly, Wilhelm Provost III, Esquire.

Constituent:
Thank you for your interest in our national government- it is citizens like you, who consistently vote for demagogues, who make our country what it is. Senator Clinton agrees with you. On every single position. Always. She also said to ask if you've lost weight.
Cordially, The Office of Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton, Esquire.

Republican response: Good idea, give the Hildabeast more popular support. Way to go, you wacko.

Democratic response: You are requested to appear in court on Monday, April 2, 2005 on the charges of: libel and violation of the restraining order protecting Michael Dukakis.

I get a point for that. Next- the complex debates surrounding the death penalty, especially for minors, abortion, especially for minors, and the treatment of terrorists.

Me: Kill em all and let Allah sort em out. Well, except for the fetuses. Feti?

Republican response: Kill them all and let God sort them out, excepting the innocent babies who are least able to protect themselves.

Democratic response: This is why we want to take away your guns, you know.

Green Response: All of nature's creatures-

Me: Who let him in?

(sounds of scuffle)

We all get a point, since Nancy- I mean, the unidentified Democrat, did the most damage to Ralph. Next, Social Security Reform.

Me: Phase it out now. I know darn well it isn't gonna be there when I retar.

Republican Response: No, Mr. ManiaC, (wink) it's important that we make SS fiscally sound (wink) so that it will always be there (wink) to take care of our elderly (wink).

Democratic Response: I saw you winking.

Final Score: Me, 3; Republicans, 2; Democrats, 1. The conclusion? I should be the chairman of the DNC, because in my outlandish mockery they managed to do better than in reality.

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