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Saturday, March 05, 2005

Dystopia of the Day

The majority system we have now, that usually pares us down to two parties, is pretty alright. It's better than those proportional representation systems that put 15 parties into the parliament. We can silence unorthodoxy much faster with our system. The difficulty with our system is that there are multiple sets of competing ideologies: communism vs. capitalism, federalism vs. antifederalism, law vs. let the judges do whatever they want, isolationism vs. appeasement vs imperialism, realism vs idealism. If you want to pick a capitalist antifederalist today, you're SOL.

One solution would be to have a candidate for each possible combination of ideologies. That would be complicated.

So what we ought to do is program everything we know about political science into a giant computer. On election day, we just put our own choices in at the USGOV 2.0 website- say communist federalist activist appeasing realist. Then the computer picks a rigid ideologue who shares the most popular values- in this case, someone like John Kerry. Kerry himself could never be elected because he's not a rigid ideologue, and I don't think indecisiveness would make it onto the ballot.

Eventually, to save money, we would just let the computer rule us.

This would allow all sorts of great personal freedoms. We could institue 32 different governments, and have everyone live under the one they like. It would lead to great social improvements-

"Communist imperialism, please."
"You have chosen communism. Is this correct?"
"One moment. (pause) Your occupation (click) political science professor (click) is obsolete. Communism is the pinnacle of political science. Please hold until a customer service agent can assist you."

At that point, a customer service agent kicks in the door and executes the commie. Or alternatively,

"Anarchic capitalism. Now."
"You have chosen capitalism. Is this correct?"
"While we process your request, let me tell you about the great deals Sear-Mart has to offer. Their prices will be seared, seared into your memory."
"No. Give me my ID."
"For an extra .25$US, you can customize your ID to match your pers-"
"Capitalism it is. Would you like fries with that?"
"Sure, why not."
"You have selected Environmental Utopia. Is that correct?"
"Your car has been cubed. Your cube is a source of chemicals that may cause birth defects. There will be a 200$US fee for the disposal of your cube."
"You have selected Social Democracy, appeasing realism. Is that correct?"
"We're sorry. Your selected government has been dominated by Communist imperialists. Pleases prepare to be bar coded."
"You have selected No. Is this correct?"
"Please hold until a customer service agent can assist you."
"Cancel! Cancel!"
"You have selected Rule by a Giant Computer. Is that correct?"
"Are you trying to be funny, or are you a (click) moron? (click)"
"I'm not trying to be funny, but-"
"You have selected Rule by Judicial Fiat. The Supreme Court has recently decreed that it is unconstitutional to speak out loud, because (click) it may offend someone. (click) Please swallow this pill."
(pill is dispensed)

You have to admit, it has a certain appeal.


Anonymous Andy said...

Simply hilarious :) Nice work.

3:26 PM  

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